Bluebird Support
1. Purpose & Scope
This policy establishes the official Timtam standards for posting photographs, videos, and artistic renditions of domestic cats (Felis catus). It applies to all users, including those whose cats clearly run the household.
2. Minimum Cuteness Threshold
All cat content posted on Timtam must meet or exceed a Cuteness Rating of 7 out of 10 as assessed by the International Panel of Cat Enjoyers (IPCE). Content falling below this threshold will be gently nudged with a tooltip reading: “Are you sure? That cat could be cuter.”
Note: All cats are inherently above a 7. This clause exists purely for legal reasons.
3. Mandatory Blep Documentation
If your cat is performing a blep (tongue slightly protruding), you are legally obligated to photograph it immediately. Failure to capture a blep in progress is considered a minor infraction and will result in a 24-hour “blep shame” badge on your profile.
3.1 Blep Classification
| Type | Description | Priority |
|---|---|---|
| Micro-blep | Tongue barely visible | Medium |
| Standard blep | Classic tongue-out | High |
| Mega-blep | Full tongue extension | Critical — drop everything |
| Sleep blep | Blep while napping | Maximum — wake no one, grab phone silently |
4. Loaf Position Standards
Cats photographed in the “loaf” position (all paws tucked underneath, resembling a bread loaf) must be tagged with the appropriate loaf classification:
- Standard Loaf — All paws tucked, symmetrical form
- Partial Loaf — One paw escaping, the rebel
- Burnt Loaf — Dark-furred cat in loaf position
- Baguette — Elongated cat pretending to be a loaf
- Sourdough — Grumpy expression while loafing
5. Frequency Requirements
Users are encouraged to post a minimum of three (3) cat photos per week. Users exceeding twenty (20) cat photos per day will receive a congratulatory notification and the honorary title of “Chief Cat Officer.”
6. Multi-Cat Scenarios
When photographing multiple cats:
- Two cats touching — This must be posted with the caption “friendship goals” or equivalent
- Two cats ignoring each other — Caption must acknowledge the drama
- Cat pile — All regular posting limits are suspended. Post freely.
7. Cat-in-Box Documentation
Any cat found sitting in a box, bag, drawer, saucepan, shoe, or other container must be documented. The container-to-cat size ratio should be noted. Bonus points for impossibly small containers.
8. Prohibited Content
The following cat-adjacent content is strictly prohibited:
- Claiming your cat is “not that cute” (demonstrably false)
- Posting a photo of a cat and calling it a dog (identity fraud)
- Using a cucumber to scare your cat for content (we will find you)
9. Belly Trap Disclaimer
Timtam assumes no liability for injuries sustained while attempting to photograph a cat’s exposed belly. Post at your own risk. We recommend a minimum safe distance of one arm’s length plus two claw-lengths.
10. Enforcement
Violations of this policy will be handled with the utmost seriousness, which is to say, not very seriously at all. Repeat offenders may be required to submit an additional cat photo as penance.
This policy was written by humans, reviewed by cats (who immediately sat on the keyboard), and approved by the Timtam team. Last updated while a cat was sitting on the author’s lap.